Nerd Time Live A Richard Porter Script

Scene opens on Roy.  Roy is watching Wrath of Khan. And a key moment is coming up…

Roy and Kirk: KHAAAAN!

The phone rings it is Frank
Frank: Hey Roy whats up
Roy: not to much watching KHAAAAN!
Frank: Classic total classic.  Hey, want to go to the mall and beat the suncoast chumps at trivia?
Roy: Sure let me get Chris on the line
A 3-way call ensues
Chris: Hello?
Roy: Suncoast chumps have been saying they are the trivia kings, you want in?
Chris: w00t!
Frank: LOL
Roy: we are so l337.  be at my house in like 20 minutes.

20 minutes later  frank and chris pull into the driveway

Roy: Alright, you guys ready to rock?
Chris and Frank: yeah
Roy: I cant hear you, I said, are you ready to rock?
Frank:  What the hells your problem, you heard us the first time.
Roy: Suck one.

They enter Roys car

SCREEN: Hey remember that Bohemian Rhapsody scene in Waynes world?
Roy: How about a little bohemian Polka?
Chris: w00t!
All three sing some of the song

INTERMISSION: Justin Dancing with tree branches in hand

They arrive at the mall
Chris: Ahhh the Crystal Mall,  you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany.
Frank: We must be cautious

They enter mall and are talking amongst themselves, they cannot be heard on the camera.

Roy: Everybody READY!
Frank: well I dunno about Ben over there (points to chris).
Chris:  hey don’t disgrace the Kenobi name with his fake name, Obi-wan is the only Kenobi I want to be referred to.

Roy hey look some goth kids, what losers.
Chris: Go have sex with dead animals!
Frank: Vote Republican, its common sense!
Roy:  YOU SUCK!

Goth kids: oh my god they are right, we are losers. (they walk away in shame)

Roy: There is suncoast.
Frank:  but there us something more interesting (Frank points to several foxy ladies)
Chris: Foxy ladies 3 oclock
Roy: ooo-la-la

Roy walks over to girl 1: Are you Virtual Reality because someone as beautiful as you can’t exist in real life.
Girl 1: EWW NERD! (she slaps Roy)

Roy walks back to the group like a wounded dog

Chris: Watch a pro.
Chris walks over to girls
Chris whispers in the girl’s ear
Girl 2: Really… with 2 hands ok here’s my number
Girl 1: Wait Chris I here is my number too.

Chris walks back triumphantly

Frank: How did you pull that one off Heat Mizer?
Chris: Remember Yoda? Judge me not by my size.
Roy: Damn fool YODA MAN.

Roy: Now I believe that we have some Clerks to beat at trivia.
Frank Hellz yeah we do.

They march triumphantly into suncoast.

Clerk 1: Hello, welcome to suncoast
Frank:  I hear you been talking guff and saying that yous guys are the the trivia kings.
Clerk: well that’s only because its true.
Frank: Yeah?
Clerk 1: Yeah.
Frank: Lets rock. (opening riff to bad to the bone plays).
Frank: You fancy yourself a Star Trek fan?
Clerk 1: Seen ‘em all.
Frank:  In “The Menagerie” what is the planet the episode revolves around.
Clerk 1: Easy Talos 4.  Who is responsible for giving the tribbles to the klingons and thus resulting in ridges.
Frank: Scotty you dolt.  Who was the creator of the diabolical M5 computer from the second season episode "the ultimate computer".
Clerk 1: I I I don’t know NOOO IVE BEEN BESTED!.
Frank dr. Richard Daystrom of the Daystrom institute. HAHAHA I am superior to you.
Clerk 2: what seems to be the problem here?
Clerk 1: These nerds are beat me at Trivia.
Clerk 2: you loser your gunna let them do that, hey you (points to chris) I hope you know Star Wars.
Chris: Me, Star Wars, o god no.
Clerk 2: Heh heh heh what is the name of Darth Vader's super star destroyer that crashed with the unfinished death star in ROTJ?
Chris: Easy, the executor.  Go ahead ask another.
Clerk 2: Ok, what planet does darth maul come from?
Chris: are you 6, no, then this is not hard, iridonia. My turn. Who was the first nonhuman to be given the rank of grand admiral in the imperial navy?
Clerk 2: oh I know this its uhhh uhhh Chief Kalxib.
Chris: No you NILF its THRAWN!
Clerk 1: I’ve had enough of this garbage, I’m gunna go get the manager.
Clerk 2: Yes, the manager, he’ll put these nerds in their places

Clerk 1 goes and gets the manager

Roy: Hey, what’s the manager’s specialty?
Clerk 2: Horror Movies.
Roy: I got this.

Enter Clerk 1 with Manager

Manager: You Nerds causing a ruckus?
Frank: What kind of ruckus?
Chris: Could you describe the ruckus sir?
Manager: That’s enough! We Must Trivia!
Roy: You feel lucky Punk?

In SuperFast Motion
Roy:  What movie was the prequel to Evil Dead?
Manager: Within the woods, In Dawn of the Dead, why do the dead walk the earth?
Roy: Because there is no room left in hell. Who published the Chemistry Book in Ash’s trunk in Evil Dead?
Manager: That would be Bernard Garnett.  Is that all you got?
Roy: No. No it is not.
Manager: So you fancy Evil Dead eh, Where was it the most rented movie in 1983.
Roy: England.  Who and What relation is Cheryl to one of the other members of the evil dead group?
Manager:  I, I, I, don’t know, was she Scotty’s Cousin?
Roy: NO YOU FOOL, SHE WAS ASH’S SISTER! HAHAHAHAHA.
Manager: Damn you nerds, you’ve won this time but ill be back, ILL BE BACK!
Roy: Get a haircut hippie.

Show 3 of them leaving Suncoast
Girl 3: Oh my god Roy, you are so cool can I go out with you?
Roy: Sure toots, whats your name and number?
She writes them down and waves goodbye.

Frank: Now that’s what I call a good day.
Roy: And How.
Chris: So what do we do now?
Roy: Well I don’t know about you, but I’m going to go home and call that chick.
Frank: But your are our ride.
Roy: Too bad boys.

Roy Drives off

See Chris with sign reading “Will _____ for ride.”

Show Credits.